Hey ho! Let's go!

Hello everyone! =D

I've been away for so long!

... From my blog at least.

And it's time... TO...!!!

poststhataresuperandomtoattractmorepeopletoreadthisblogbecauseimsohornyfrom
thatgiantantthatijustatewithmybuttocksthatarelubricatedwithbutter.

WOO! THAT WAS LONG!

OK!!!!!!!

Fellow readers, it is time.

To.

Make.

Some.

[strike]Love[/strike]Posts.

Alright!

Here we go.

TODAY'S TOPIC WILL BE ON....


DEFENSE OF THE ANCIENTS ALLSTARS!!!!!


ZOMFG!!! YOU MAY ASK..

.. OMFG WTFLOLROFLKOPTALOLLERSKATINGNINJASASBUTTSECKS WTF DOTA!??!

Yes. DotA.

Well, first off. It's addictive. Fun, sometimes it can be very pissing off when you get KSed [KS = when one of your kills get stolen by some other [strike]motherfucker[/strike]player].

Alright!


[STEP 1] - BEGINNING WITH DOTA!

DotA isn't an easy game to master. You need to learn how to play the Heroes, then the items. Then the combination of Heroes and items. And then the skill builds, and blah blah blah blah... [Nerd talk going on here nothing to see.]

Yeah. Alright. So those are the basics, you just need interest, the concentration, the skill and the nimbleness of your fucking fingers.

[STEP 2] - INSTALLING THE GAME!

Alright. Since we've gone through the basics [STFU YES STEP 1 IS THE BASICS.] I guess we can begin with the game. You'll need to download the latest maps from the official website, which I will not be giving because it'd be fucking stupid and people would think I have no life, though I don't have one originally. Hee hee! ^^ <--- WTF!

Ok. Anyways! Begin by running the Warcraft III : Frozen Throne game.

You'll probably ask, WAIT A MINUTE! WTF IS WARCRAFT III : FROZEN THRONE!??!?!

YOU STIUPIIEEED NUOOOB~!!!!!!!!!111222@@111!1!

I mean, Warcraft III : Frozen Throne is the game program to play DotA with. You'll need to get the Warcraft III : Reign Of Chaos CD first because Warcraft III : Frozen Throne is an expansion. So it's very simple if you summarize it all down.

Get the Warcraft III : Reign Of Chaos CD, install it, get the Warcraft III : Frozen Throne expansion CD, install it and you're ready to go! :B

[STEP 3] - PLAYING THE GAME!

This is probably going to be the longest section in the whole post.

Let's begin then.

.... Wait a minute I need to take a deep breath first before I go rogue while typing this section out.

....
.....
......
.......
........

Alright! Let's BEGIN!

First, GET THE CD, oh you got it? Installed it? Good good.

NOW YOU IDIOT GET THE MAP!

www.dota-allstars.com

Once you've downloaded the latest map, you will need to AAAH AAAAH AAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!! AAAAAH LEI MOU AH!!! SO HARD!! AAAAAAH!!!! I'M CUMING!!! I'M CUMING!!!!! PSSSHTT PSSSSHT SPLURT SPLURT SPUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURTTTTTT!!!!!

Ok. Did you understand that? Ok. Once you've downloaded the map, cut and paste it inside the "Maps" folder in your Warcraft III : Frozen Throne folder.

Yes, it's been simple so far. You'd probably ask, "What was that orgasm up there for? Was it really necessary? It's really disguting you know that? -.-".

HELL YES YOU DICKS IT WAS!! IT'S THE MOTHERLOAD! THE MOTHERSHIP!! YOU CAN'T DENY THE SCRIN! [Nerd joke, hehe. -snort-]

OK WHATEVER LET'S JUST CONTINUE WITH THE TUTORIAL!

Downloaded? Done? Cut and pasted map into the right folder? Done? GOOD!

IT'S TIME TO RUN THE PROGRAM!

Yes. It's gruesome, IT'S FUCKING GRUESOME ALRIGHT I CAN TELL YOU THAT! YOU'LL NEED THE COURAGE, THE BRAVERY, THE SPEED, THE AGILITY, THE MOUSE THAT YOU'LL BE USING TO CLICK YOUR PROGRAM AND FURTHERMOST!

... YOUR FINGER!!!

Yes. Difficult task. TRY to drag your mouse over to the Warcraft III : Frozen Throne icon on your desktop/laptop and double click it.

YES! AAAH! THAT'S RIGHT! CLICK IT! AAAH! DOUBLE CLICK! AAAH TRIPLE IT TRIPLE IT! AAH AAAH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! -SPUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURT!!!-

Whew.. Damn you're good. I'm all wet already...

.... OK! LET'S CONTINUE!

Yeah. I don't think I have to teach you how to start the game because i'd be orgasming again and you'd be like, God he keeps repeating the same thing again, maybe once or twice is funny but the third time is just fucking lame. Get a life Jackson.

HAH I READ YOUR BLOODY MIND! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Ok. So, once you've started the game, DOTA ALLSTARS!!!! YEAAAAH!!!

[STEP 4] - CHOOSING A HERO!

Well, this isn't so hard. Just your mouse and click on a Hero. o_o; Not very hard is it?

... What do you expect from this section? A joke? Pfft!

[STEP 5] - CHOOSING THE RIGHT SKILLS!

God i'm getting sick of writing this already. :O

Alright, anyways! Choosing the right skills. Yes. There are many many skills, each hero has different skills and spells.

There are two types of skills in DotA.

Passive Skills - Skills that activate automatically and cannot be activated manually. They also have no mana cost.

Active Skills - Skills that include spells and all that require MANA to cast and cannot be activated automatically unless it is prompted to. Almost all Active skills are activated manually.

For example, Mirana has Elune's Arrow, which does 360 damage at level 4 and costs 100 Mana, therefore it isn't a passive skill, but an ACTIVE skill instead, while Mortred has Coup De Gras [PRONOUNCED COO DE GRA YOU MORON NOT COOP DE GRASS.] which allows Mortred to do 6 times more damage with a critical strike, and is a PASSIVE skill.

Yes. It's actually that easy to understand! You've been thinking, "Wtf! I feel like a dumbass now! DOH! Homer like dooooonuuuts... Mmmm.." WELL THEN STFU!

[STEP 6] - BUYING THE RIGHT ITEMS!

Well, this is probably the most annoying part of the game, GETTING THE RIGHT ITEMS!

Yes. The right items for the right Heroes can truly make a difference in the two factions [The Sentinel, or the good guys, and The Scourge, which are the bad guys.] in achieving victory.

Well i'm not gonna elaborate on this section because if I do i'll brown my pants and start eating insects.

... Why?

Well if you MUST know, alright.

Because in my mind, the cerebral cortex is [CENSORED].

Weird huh? o.o;

HEHEHEHE. >:B

[STEP 7] - THE FINAL STEP!

Once you've refrigerated the peanuts, IT IS TIME TO BRING IT OUT! YES! THOUGH YOUR HANDS ARE TWITCHING, YOU'RE SWEATING FROM EXCITEMENT!

... Wait a minute..! THIS IS THE DOTA GUIDE! JACKSON YOU MORON!! -starts beating up himself because he feels horny and also because he has a sexual arousement of seeing a double of himself from the future who is a cripple that has three hands and who just commited suicide-

W3LL D47 K0NK1UD$ D1$ G41D3!

KTHXBAIEGGSARESOYUMMYIBROWNMYPANTSWHILERIDING
THEROFLKOPTAWITHALOLLERSKATERWHODOESNTWEARPANTS
ANDHASBOTHTHEGENITALSWHICHMAKESHERVERYSEXY
ESPECIALLYWHENSHE'SDEADBECAUSEI'MANECROPHILLIAC.

[No i'm not actually a real necrophilliac, but you'd like to see me as one wouldn't you? BECAUSE
YOU'RE A NECROPHILLIACPHLLIAC!]


HEHEHEHEHE!!

... Ok bye..

-Drops on knees and cries-